About Derik

Oh what a man what a man

What a pretty good man

Pretty and sweet

Soft and smooth

So soft I could crush him

And I did

Sucked the blood right out of his heart

To fill the pockets of emptiness in my veins

So that I would not gasp in free fall

Cobuilt our home

Tried to open my own

Love vessel striving for better

I am both his hero and guide

His girl and best man

Sidekick and...

Then I left

Face kick to the chest

To the gut

Twice

Heartbreak

His story evaporated

No, incinerated

No arc left

Just despair

He cries hard

Hunched over stairs

Sobbing

I rub his back

As he spits tears

I asked him not to send me

Lines of romance

But I read wowey daily

And he writes

And I read

And I wish

I could love him as hard

As honestly

As he does me

But I cannot

It’s a lie

It’s a twisted turn of events

An exercise in intuition

Failed

There is a quiet calm sadness in me

No desire for action

Just sit

Just love you

Just love me

Yet I do not

On both counts

Ouch!

To be human

Imperfect

Impatient

A Judge

A Critic

I miss our fantasy

I wish understanding flowed

Rather than forced

No peace for me

Around your pace

Somehow

You are I and I am you

We are One

Then why did my heart yell

Leave!

Why can’t God let me love you

My mind is a curse

My heart is a curse

And yet they both serve me

I am no longer in control

A blueprint nudges me

No fighting my nature

Or suffer doubly and perish

Premature

And so I express

Pray for Dex

That he rise from ashes soon

I pray I pray I pray

That he sees that love and hope

For a better life remain remain remain

Uneety | May 25, 2020

#poetry #spokenword #selfawareness #breakups #creative #expression #inward